Dog Park

A good friend (I won’t name names, but it rhymes with Bill Nye The Science Guy) recently invented a device that allows humans to record and translate what animals are saying. Somehow I convinced him to lend it to me, then I took it to the local  park for a test drive. Here’s what I captured:

-Will you look at that bitch?
-Which one?
-Three o’clock. The retriever.
-What a coat.
-And check out those hind legs.
-I’m a tail man myself.
-To each his own. So, what’s the play today? Fetch?
-No. It’s too common. Too easy. Anyone can do it.
-Should I go catch a Frisbee?
-It might come across as showboating if you just run up and catch someone else’s Frisbee.
-True. But I am trying to impress her.
-Without looking like a showoff. You’ve got to be confident but cool.
-What if I catch her a squirrel?
-(Grimaces) I don’t know. Every bitch wants someone who can provide for her, but blood and guts don’t always make a good first impression.
-You’re right. You’re right. Oh, what about begging for treats? I’m really good at that.
-Now you’re just getting desperate.
-Well then, I’m done… I’m out. I’ve got nothing left.
-I’ve got it! Why don’t you go over and give her butt a sniff?
-Jesus, that’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? You know what, it was your idea, why don’t you take her?
-Thanks, but no. I’ve got to rest up. I’m seeing my vet early tomorrow.
-Everything ok?
-Oh yeah. It’s just a routine procedure. I heard them say something about a snip but it sounds harmless. I’ll be back day the after tomorrow.
-Ok. The next one’s yours.
-Thanks buddy. Good luck. Let me know how the whole butt-sniffing thing goes.

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One Response to “Dog Park”

  1. RigorMorris Says:

    I had that problem once

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