Breaking News: Rally Monkey Arrested For Disturbing The Peace

Anaheim (AP) – Rodrigo Rodrigo, better known as the Anaheim Angels beloved Rally Monkey, was arrested last night on a drunken and disorderly charge. The altercation took place at a local Denny’s where the visibly drunken monkey, upset with his Grand Slam meal, urinated on it while yelling at his server, “That’s what it tastes like bitch!” He then began to throw his soiled meal around the dining room while screaming, “There are no fucking Angels in the outfield” When the police finally arrived on scene, they found Rodrigo mumbling incoherently while flinging his excrement at the restaurant windows. It was later revealed he had a blood alcohol level of .021 and was in possession of 2g of crack cocaine.

Rodrigo got his start in show business in 1981 after Steven Spielberg caught him stealing bananas from a fruit stand on the set of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Spielberg immediately cast him as the Nazi Monkey. Unfortunately, what could have become a long and successful working relationship was soured after Spielberg’s refusal to cut the monkey brains scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Rodrigo went on to find steady commercial work while appearing in a number of smaller parts in made-for-TV-movies, and, of course, his star turn in bigger films such as Outbreak, the Ace Ventura series and NBC’s hit sitcom Friends. Though he garnered much critical acclaim for his work as an actor, it was his role as the Anaheim Angels Rally Monkey that propelled him to fame.

After helping guide the Angels to the 2002 World Series title, Rodrigo shot to stardom and was highly recruited by a number of other MLB teams. Though he remained faithful to the Angels, rumor has it, in recent years he became discouraged by their repeated playoff beatings at the hands of the Boston Red Sox. Sources close to Rodrigo claim he thought of the team as “a bunch of fucking chokers” who couldn’t follow his inspiring lead and come through in big games. These tensions mounted after the Angels early exit in this year’s ALDS. Players, who asked to remain anonymous, stated Rodrigo, in a drunken rage, entered the clubhouse as the players where clearing out their lockers and unleashed a tirade on all within earshot. He berated the players for their “lack of balls”, and called them everything from “overpaid pussies” to “little girls playing sandlot softball with limp dicks for bats.” Team officials stated Rodrigo was fined after the incident and ordered to undergo rehab or begin attending AA meetings.

At press time, Rodrigo’s PR agent declined to comment.

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