Ask a Douche Bag with Kriss Angel

Q: Hey, Mind Freak, can you use your powers to tell me who’s gonna win the World Series? The Tampa Bay Rays or the Philadelphia Phillies?

Gamblin’ Man

A: Gamblin’ Fool,

Where do I start? First of all, I’m a Mind Freak, not a fucking psychic. I perform illusions; I don’t pretend to be some kind of clairvoyant–I leave that bullshit to kooks like Miss Cleo. But I wouldn’t expect a simpleton like you to understand the difference.

Second, just because I live and work in Las Vegas doesn’t mean I know the ins and outs of every fucking betting line like all the other degenerate gamblers out here.

Finally, what makes you think I even care about or follow a stupid sport like hockey anyway? Again, I LIVE IN THE DESERT!! The only ice I care about is the ice dangling from my neck. And, if you’ve had the pleasure of watching my show, you’ve surely noticed how substantial that ice is.

K. Angel
Mind Freak

Questions for the douche bags can be submitted to askadouche@gmail.com.

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