Ask a Douche Bag with Charlie Sheen

Q: Hi Charlie,

I’ve recently noticed the turbulent investment markets. Given the fact that so many rich banker douche bags are losing all of their money, there’s probably a lot less demand for really expensive hookers. Do you think that this would allow me to score some deals on high priced call girls? Or will it just make me look cheap?

– Mr. In Urrendo

A: Remember, Mr. In Urrendo, this is the world’s oldest profession. Although it has long suffered at the hands of our legal system, it is–and always will be–recession proof. As long as people are horny, there will be a call girl out there to provide the necessary services. So, yes, even with a little less disposable income, you’ll still be able to score some high-class ass. But here’s a little advice from a seasoned pro, never think of yourself as cheap–you’re a shrewd negotiator. And you’re dealing with a savvy group of businesswomen, who, even though their legs are always open, live by the business credo, Always Be Closing. So never forget you’re conducting a business transaction; and all you have to do to seal the deal is make the right offer. Good luck my friend. And enjoy.

The C. Ma. Sheen.
Maxim’s #2 Living Sex Legend

P.S If all else fails, call 1-800-MADAME1 and tell them The Machine sent you.

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