A day in the life of the guy who motivates Tony Robbins to be the greatest motivational speaker in the world

8:00am – hit the snooze button

8:10am – hit the snooze button again

8:20am – hit the snooze button again

8:30am – rip the alarm clock from the wall and throw it across the room

9:57am – get up to take a leak and hit the bong on the way back to bed

10:22am – get up

10:23am – masturbate

10:26am – sniff through a pile of clothes for something wearable

10:28am – head up to the main house at the Robbins estate

10:33am – eat all the leftovers from the family’s breakfast

10:56am – head to the home gym to watch Mrs. Robbins workout

11:24am – smoke a joint

11:45am – take Tony’s Aston Martin Vanquish and cruise down to the local High School

12:01pm – park out front, lean on the hood and smoke a cigarette

12:10pm – score some dope

12:15pm – smoke up with a cheerleader

12:26pm – talk her into a hand job

12:29pm – cruise to the local strip mall

12:41pm – park out front of the yoga studio, lean on the hood and smoke a cigarette

12:45pm – grab an OE and brown bag it

12:53pm – hit on the women leaving the yoga studio

1:01pm – hit on the women leaving the nail salon

1:17pm – cruise to Lola’s the local strip joint

1:22pm – park out front, lean on the hood and smoke a cigarette

1:26pm – grab a seat in pervert’s row

1:28pm – head to the champagne room

1:32pm – get ejected for propositioning a dancer

1:40pm – cruise to a corner store and pick up another OE

1:46pm – head back to the Robbins estate

1:59pm – smoke a joint

2:07pm – take a nap

4:10pm – get woken up by the maid for spilling the remainder of OE on the carpet

4:11pm – tell her you’ll make it up to her with sexual favours

4:11pm – get slapped by her

4:12pm – get it on with her

4:17pm – get caught by Mrs. Robbins

4:17pm – ask her if wants to join you

4:24pm – have the maid make you a pitcher of mojitos

4:33pm – hit a few golf balls at the neighbours place

4:58pm – smoke a joint

5:15pm – wander into Tony’s office and pretend to be him on a phone call

5:21pm – turn around to find Tony watching

5:22pm – ask Tony for a loan

5:45pm – leave Tony’s office after another of his boring speeches about helping yourself or something like that

5:46pm – have the maid make another pitcher of mojitos

6:00pm – dinner with the family

6:06pm – get reprimanded by Mrs. Robbins for using inappropriate language

6:09pm – ask to be excused

6:09pm – receive a disapproving look from Tony

6:16pm – have the maid make another pitcher of mojitos

6:18pm – ask her if she has a sister

6:21pm – smoke a joint

6:30pm – watch Mrs. Robbins take her evening swim

6:45pm – ask her if she feels like skinning dipping

6:45pm – get slapped

6:51pm – watch some porn

7:37pm – get caught by the kids

7:38pm – attempt to explain to them what porn is

7:43pm – smoke a joint

7:51pm – call 876-SEXX

8:58pm – smoke a cigarette, then a joint

9:10pm – visit Tony in his office

9:14pm – pitch him the guest house as a brothel idea again

9:16pm – pitch him the guest house as a strip joint idea again

9:20pm – pitch him the guest house as a bar with live sex shows idea again

9:23pm – pitch him the guest house as a grow-op idea again

9:25pm – get the “if you weren’t my brother” speech for the millionth time

9:32pm – take a bottle of Tony’s finest scotch

9:47pm – pass out

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9 Responses to “A day in the life of the guy who motivates Tony Robbins to be the greatest motivational speaker in the world”

  1. Rassles Says:

    Man, if I were a guy? Or a lesbian? I would want this to be my life.

  2. unfinishedrambler Says:

    So what you’re saying is that you smoke pot and masturbate a lot? 😉

  3. VE Says:

    Bwahaha…perfect! It’s a bit too exhausting for me though. I would have never gotten up except to pee and, well, if it’s Tony’s house and they have a maid then I wouldn’t even have to get up for that, would I? Nice job!

  4. chowner Says:

    Rambler, how did you know this was a thinly disguised break down of a day in my life?

  5. John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer Says:

    Doesn’t sound like that bad of day… Better than most of mine, actually.

  6. Christian Says:

    That’s an action packed 13 hours.

  7. Sean Donland Says:

    Wow, that guys sure gets a lot done in one day. What an inspiration!

  8. Venom Says:

    Brilliant! Love it.

  9. aarondbell Says:

    Best. TR story. Ever. Except for Family Guy’s riff on him.

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