“Sorry I’m late but it’s really difficult to find parking for a helicopter around here.”
“Can you break a $1000?”
“You know, you get a really good workout when you’re walking around in solid gold shoes all day.”
“If you’re wondering why I’m so tanned, it’s because I spent the last week on my yacht.”
“Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should name my private jet?”
“I hope you don’t mind, but I brought my personal chef.”
“If anyone’s looking for me next week, I’ll be vacationing on a space shuttle.”
“Hey, I like your model car. I have one just like it – only real.”
“Are you guys watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Cuz you know, I am one.”
“Did someone say lottery? No? Well, since it came up…”
Tags: I won the lottery, personal chef, private jet, vacation in space, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
freetheunicorns.wordpress.com 
March 30, 2009 at 11:04 am |
Saying those things after winning a mere lottery worth a few million will be followed by you standing at the unemployment line saying “what happened?”
Happens all the time. I laugh at such affluent idiots.
March 30, 2009 at 11:42 am |
I use a lot of these to remind people I was born wealthy and haven’t ever had to work a day in my life.
Unrelated: I get punched a lot.
March 30, 2009 at 2:34 pm |
I would buy really fancy ketchup to eat with my Kraft Dinner.
March 30, 2009 at 3:02 pm |
Those are good ones. I’d probably tell my current employment management “You know what…if I have to agree with you for one more second…I’ll kill myself!” and then my relatives “Did you know that given enough money you CAN make it so nobody is related to you?” Then I’d write a humor blog…
March 30, 2009 at 6:22 pm |
If I won millions of dollars, I wouldn’t talk to people at all. Why? Because I wouldn’t have to.
March 30, 2009 at 8:10 pm |
If I had a dollar, then I’d buy me a coffee…Oh wait..I need more than that huh ?
March 31, 2009 at 1:04 pm |
I’ve always wanted to do that cake thing where I bring balloons and a cake to my dad at work that says ‘Happy Retirement!!’
Stumbled
March 31, 2009 at 2:03 pm |
Singing “Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes” and then showing everybody the shoes? 🙂 Stumbled.
March 31, 2009 at 3:47 pm |
I have no objections to your personal chef
April 2, 2009 at 6:32 am |
Just the one personal chef? I’d bring my entire personal ontourage.
April 2, 2009 at 7:53 pm |
Drop me an email at ewelter1 @ comcast.net; I have something for you
April 3, 2009 at 1:51 am |
If I had won the lottery I would hire Chef Ramsey and call him a fat effin cow for about a week straight. Dumb I know.
November 25, 2009 at 3:09 pm |
if i won the lottery I would have my wife operated to remove her skin then put horse skin on her .. then I would bang her and when shes pregnant it would look like a horse had a human baby .. awesome !!
November 25, 2009 at 7:10 pm |
If I win, I’ll lend you the money to make your centaur dream come true.