The fortune cookie factory

–I know it’s Saturday, so thanks for coming in on such short notice.
–Sure. I’ve been sleeping here lately, so it was no problem.
–You what?
–Excuse me?
–It sounded like you said you’ve been sleeping here lately.
–No. I said I haven’t been sleeping a lot lately
–Oh. Okay. Well, I guess that makes sense.
–Wha? What are you talking about?
–Uh… well, I don’t mean to pry, but is everything okay… you know, personally?
–Actually, um, no. I’m kind of going through a bit of a rough patch. How did you know?
–Well, uh, your work has been a little, um, subpar of late.
–But I’ve been writing like 50 fortunes a day.

–And I appreciate all the hard work. But the problem isn’t volume; it’s the content. Like… “Drinking won’t numb the pain”… “When she says she’s working late, she’s actually sleeping around”… “You should consider committing adultery, too”… “Now is a good time to hire a divorce lawyer”, and “If you have any valuable assets, hide them before it’s too late”… they, uh… well, they’re not exactly words of wisdom.
–Wow. I… I don’t know what to say. I worked really hard on those.
–I don’t doubt that. It’s just… well, uh, I don’t think these are going to inspire people.
–But they’re based on a human truth.
–I’m sure they are. But there’s nothing hopeful in them. They’re just, well… people won’t walk away feeling happy and good about themselves.
–Okay, okay. Um… how about “All your memories are totally meaningless”?
–…
–“You will have your heart ripped out and stomped on”. People can relate to that.
–Yeah, that’s not really the feeling we’re going for.
–Uh… well… that’s… that’s, ah, all I got. I guess I’m not having a lot of luck with this right now, am I?
–Speaking of luck. I also want to talk to you about the lucky numbers you’ve been submitting.
–What about them?
–Well, they don’t really seem to be a series of numbers so much as a phone number.
–Oh. That. Yeah. It’s my whore of a wife’s number.
–What’s so lucky about it?
–Call her and you’ll find out.

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8 Responses to “The fortune cookie factory”

  1. Shawn Says:

    These fortunes would actually be a great improvement over the ones I usually get.

  2. Chris Says:

    So…what’s her number?

  3. chowner Says:

    Shawn: I knew I, er he, was on to something.

    Chris: 416-976-SEXY

  4. Venom Says:

    I’d laugh my butt of if I got such an inspired fortune cookie.

  5. John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer Says:

    Those ARE words of wisdom…

    Rim shot for the last line.

    Stumbled.

  6. chowner Says:

    Venom & John: You’ve encouraged me to get out of the advertising business and pursue a career writing fortunes.

  7. Trysh Says:

    My ex husband did something similar except that he worked at a milk carton factory. Guess what kind of calls I was getting :S

    Stumbled.

  8. Aussiecynic Says:

    words of wisdom…lol..
    there hope for all us yet 🙂

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