How Meatloaf came to realize what he would, and wouldn’t, do for love.

MEATLOAF: Did you see her?
ME: She’s kind of hard to miss.
MEATLOAF: Man, what I would do for a piece of that lovin’.
ME: Go on.
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: You said, “What I would do for a piece of that lovin’”. So, what would you do for love?
MEATLOAF: Anything.
ME: Such as?
MEATLOAF: I don’t know. Take her out for a nice dinner. Maybe a buffet or something like that.
ME: Buffet? Really?
MEATLOAF: Okay, how about seafood. Everyone loves Red Lobster.
ME: That’s a little better. What else?
MEATLOAF: Flowers I guess–
ME: And what? Chocolate? That’s original.
MEATLOAF: Diamonds and pearls?
ME: What are you Prince?
MEATLOAF: Hey, if it gets her in the sack.
ME: How gentlemanly.
MEATLOAF: You gotta do what you gotta do.
ME: Okay Casanova. Would you take part in a Devil’s threesome if she asked?

MEATLOAF: Sure. Provided–
ME: No crossing swords?
MEATLOAF: No. I was gonna say provided we tape it. There’s a lot of money in that racket.
ME: What racket?
MEATLOAF: You know, celebrity sex tapes.
ME: Right (Rolling my eyes).
MEATLEAF: It could help launch my comeback.
ME: I’m sure. And what if she wanted to introduce gerbils?
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: You know, like Richard Gere. Gerbils. Butts. That kind of thing.
MEATLOAF: Sure, why not.
ME: Interesting.
MEATLOAF: Hey man, whatever it takes.
ME: If you say so. And what about after the romp?
MEATLOAF: I don’t know.
ME: Would you take up jogging?
MEATLOAF: So what, now we’re dating?
ME: I don’t know what that has to do with dating, but yeah, I guess. You did say love.
MEATLOAF: Okay fine. If we’re a couple, then yeah, I’d do that.
ME: Would you give up meat?
MEATLOAF: No. Yes. Maybe for, like, er, a week or so.
ME: Would you shave or wax your back?
MEATLOAF: I’d do that.
ME: What about your pubes?
MEATLOAF: I already do that.
ME: What if she asked you to you know, snip snip… down there.
MEATLOAF: Sure. I don’t need any more little Meatloafs running around anyway.
ME: Would you fight a flamingo?
MEATLOAF: Excuse me?
ME: I said, would you fight–
MEATLOAF: I heard you. Man, you’re strange. Yes, I would.
ME: (Whispered) Yeah, I’m the strange one.
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: Nothing… would you wear a cape?
MEATLOAF: Why not.
ME: Buy her a unicorn?
MEATLOAF: They’re not real.
ME: What if she thinks they’re real and won’t love you unless you believe?
MEATLOAF: Then yes, I would buy her a unicorn.
ME: From where?
MEATLOAF: What the fuck man?
ME: …
MEATLOAF: I don’t know. I’d fucking find some deformed horse with a goddamn horn on its head. Or I’d glue a horn to a horse’s head.
ME: Right on. Would you get a tattoo of her name?
MEATLOAF: Yeah.
ME: Would you sell your slightly used toupee collection?
MEATLOAF: How many times have I told you John Tesh collects toupees, not me.
ME: Right. But if you did, would you?
MEATLOAF: Yes.
ME: Would you Moonwalk all the time?
MEATLOAF: Yeah, I’d do that.
ME: Would you adopt Michael Jackson?
MEATLOAF: Sure, I’d do that.
ME: Always put the seat down.
MEATLOAF: Have you seen my place? She’d have her own bathroom.
ME: Still, would you put the seat down?
MEATLOAF: Yes, I’d do that.
ME: Stop soliciting prostitutes?
MEATLOAF: …
ME: (Hard stare)
MEATLOAF: Fine.
ME: Would you write her a love song?
MEATLOAF: No, I won’t do that.
ME: But you said anything.
MEATLOAF: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.

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16 Responses to “How Meatloaf came to realize what he would, and wouldn’t, do for love.”

  1. Venom Says:

    Heeheeheeheeheehee, awesome.
    I love his music, both albums.

  2. Mike Says:

    ….And now I understand.

    And I’m probably not better off for it.

  3. chowner Says:

    Venom: This is the only song of his I know. Not sure I can say I like it.

    Mike: None of us are better off for readying anything I say.

  4. Trysh Says:

    Congrats, you made my mom realize she needs depends

    🙂

  5. wannasmile Says:

    You make me smile Chowner:)

  6. unfinishedrambler Says:

    I’m glad that’s cleared up. I was wondering what exactly anything was. Now I know, thanks to you, Mr. Chowner. I can go on living my life. 🙂

  7. VE Says:

    Ha! That was hilarious…as usual. I had always secretly been wondering where Meatloaf’s boundaries were on things…I’m glad you found out!

    Hey, I gave you full credit in today’s post for your outstanding imposter post. Feel free to link if you desire so you can share your masterful work! Nice job, it was fun

  8. Shawn Says:

    The song would have been improved tenfold had he listed these things within the verses.

  9. chowner Says:

    Trysh: That may be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.

    wannasmile: excellent.

    Rambler: Happy to help.

    VE: Now you know, he has few boundaries.

    As for being a VE imposter, it was a pleasure. A lot to live up to, but a pleasure none the less.

  10. marymoo24 Says:

    Wow. So glad I read that. Crossing swords. Good one.

  11. Ronda Laveen Says:

    Can we do “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”, next please.

  12. John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer Says:

    Wow. How did you ever endure a whole conversation with Meatloaf?

    LOL @ “What are you Prince?”

    Good post. Stumbled.

  13. Ryan Garns Says:

    You had me at the title. The rest was even funnier.

  14. chowner Says:

    Marymoo: No man alive looks to cross swords, unless they’re porn stars. But that’s a whole other can of worms.

    Ronda: I’ll talk to my people.

    John: It was tough, but you have to make sacrifices for your work.

    Ryan: Thank you sir.

  15. Jenn Thorson Says:

    Heh… Nicely done.

  16. Tiggy Says:

    And so, one one of the world’s great mysteries is solved. Cheers!

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