The final pre-bankruptcy J Peterman catalogue

Father of all t-shirts

The t-shirt first appeared on America’s radar when the Navy introduced it as an undershirt. Purpose: To cover up sailors’ chest hair.

Did these hirsute naval officers pioneer the seaman’s love of the t-shirt? No sir. Long before these knights of the open water donned this garment, fishermen along the Mediterranean shucked oysters in it.

Men on every street corner in Europe used its rolled up sleeves to store their cigs.

It’s a formidable look – like that of a clothed panther. Full of machismo. Until the day a smarmy CA tells you your legacy is insolvent and its finely ribbed neck tightens around your throat.

At that very moment it ceases to exist as an icon of style and becomes a sponge for your free flowing tears. The American Dream it once symbolized now ripe with failure.

Men’s sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL.

Colors: Black, White, French Blue, Heather Grey, Original Navy Blue, Heather Burgundy.

4-Wale Cord Pant

You’re out in the country when you spot a farmer, plowing his field. You don’t remember the crop, but you do remember he was wearing corduroy pants. Extra-wide-wale corduroy pants.

Your favorite professor. It wasn’t his lectures on semiotics or the global village you remember, but the enormously-wide-wale pants he always wore.

Here’s another thing you’ll want to remember: No matter how velvety the thick ribs of corduroy feel, they won’t take away the sting that accompanies a court’s rejection of your automatic stay.

But the sturdy knees will come in handy as you continue to take it from the creditors who are now able to liquidate your remaining assets.

Men’s even sizes: 32 through 46. Hemmed (max: 37”) or cuffed (max: 33”).

Colors: Golden Tan, Navy, Charcoal, Taupe, Chocolate.

The moccasin of Presidents and Kings

Noblemen first favored this footwear as they allowed for the silent pursuit of game.

But when the tables have turned; when you’re the game, how good are they? Well, I’ve been wearing them for two months straight and everywhere I turn there’s another goddamn creditor with their hand out.

Do these heartless bastards even comment on your 1890s style moccasin? No sir.

They simply remind you that the court did, in fact, reject your re-organization plan and that, even though the company still bears your name, you’re no longer in control. Then they ask if the cheque you wrote them will bounce.

Feel free to bounce your oil-tanned, full-grain leather bound foot off their ass.

Men’s whole and half sizes: 8 through 13.

Women’s whole and half sizes: 6 through 10.

Color: Brown, with contrast Natural stitching.

Handsome Thug Cap

Read the name. What else needs to be said?

Thug Life. 2Pac 4ever.

Colors: Rust, Black and White.

Men’s sizes: S, M, L, XL

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One Response to “The final pre-bankruptcy J Peterman catalogue”

  1. VE Says:

    Heather Burgendy…Ha! Where do these ridiculous colors come from? You should start your career in catalog writing immediately!

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