MEATLOAF: Did you see her?
ME: She’s kind of hard to miss.
MEATLOAF: Man, what I would do for a piece of that lovin’.
ME: Go on.
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: You said, “What I would do for a piece of that lovin’”. So, what would you do for love?
MEATLOAF: Anything.
ME: Such as?
MEATLOAF: I don’t know. Take her out for a nice dinner. Maybe a buffet or something like that.
ME: Buffet? Really?
MEATLOAF: Okay, how about seafood. Everyone loves Red Lobster.
ME: That’s a little better. What else?
MEATLOAF: Flowers I guess–
ME: And what? Chocolate? That’s original.
MEATLOAF: Diamonds and pearls?
ME: What are you Prince?
MEATLOAF: Hey, if it gets her in the sack.
ME: How gentlemanly.
MEATLOAF: You gotta do what you gotta do.
ME: Okay Casanova. Would you take part in a Devil’s threesome if she asked?
MEATLOAF: Sure. Provided–
ME: No crossing swords?
MEATLOAF: No. I was gonna say provided we tape it. There’s a lot of money in that racket.
ME: What racket?
MEATLOAF: You know, celebrity sex tapes.
ME: Right (Rolling my eyes).
MEATLEAF: It could help launch my comeback.
ME: I’m sure. And what if she wanted to introduce gerbils?
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: You know, like Richard Gere. Gerbils. Butts. That kind of thing.
MEATLOAF: Sure, why not.
ME: Interesting.
MEATLOAF: Hey man, whatever it takes.
ME: If you say so. And what about after the romp?
MEATLOAF: I don’t know.
ME: Would you take up jogging?
MEATLOAF: So what, now we’re dating?
ME: I don’t know what that has to do with dating, but yeah, I guess. You did say love.
MEATLOAF: Okay fine. If we’re a couple, then yeah, I’d do that.
ME: Would you give up meat?
MEATLOAF: No. Yes. Maybe for, like, er, a week or so.
ME: Would you shave or wax your back?
MEATLOAF: I’d do that.
ME: What about your pubes?
MEATLOAF: I already do that.
ME: What if she asked you to you know, snip snip… down there.
MEATLOAF: Sure. I don’t need any more little Meatloafs running around anyway.
ME: Would you fight a flamingo?
MEATLOAF: Excuse me?
ME: I said, would you fight–
MEATLOAF: I heard you. Man, you’re strange. Yes, I would.
ME: (Whispered) Yeah, I’m the strange one.
MEATLOAF: What?
ME: Nothing… would you wear a cape?
MEATLOAF: Why not.
ME: Buy her a unicorn?
MEATLOAF: They’re not real.
ME: What if she thinks they’re real and won’t love you unless you believe?
MEATLOAF: Then yes, I would buy her a unicorn.
ME: From where?
MEATLOAF: What the fuck man?
ME: …
MEATLOAF: I don’t know. I’d fucking find some deformed horse with a goddamn horn on its head. Or I’d glue a horn to a horse’s head.
ME: Right on. Would you get a tattoo of her name?
MEATLOAF: Yeah.
ME: Would you sell your slightly used toupee collection?
MEATLOAF: How many times have I told you John Tesh collects toupees, not me.
ME: Right. But if you did, would you?
MEATLOAF: Yes.
ME: Would you Moonwalk all the time?
MEATLOAF: Yeah, I’d do that.
ME: Would you adopt Michael Jackson?
MEATLOAF: Sure, I’d do that.
ME: Always put the seat down.
MEATLOAF: Have you seen my place? She’d have her own bathroom.
ME: Still, would you put the seat down?
MEATLOAF: Yes, I’d do that.
ME: Stop soliciting prostitutes?
MEATLOAF: …
ME: (Hard stare)
MEATLOAF: Fine.
ME: Would you write her a love song?
MEATLOAF: No, I won’t do that.
ME: But you said anything.
MEATLOAF: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.
Tags: Devil's threesome, I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meatloaf, Michael Jackson, Moonwalk, Prince, Red Lobster, sex tape, things Meatloaf would do for love, unicorns
freetheunicorns.wordpress.com 
April 27, 2009 at 9:35 am |
Heeheeheeheeheehee, awesome.
I love his music, both albums.
April 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm |
….And now I understand.
And I’m probably not better off for it.
April 27, 2009 at 2:49 pm |
Venom: This is the only song of his I know. Not sure I can say I like it.
Mike: None of us are better off for readying anything I say.
April 27, 2009 at 3:04 pm |
Congrats, you made my mom realize she needs depends
🙂
April 27, 2009 at 3:57 pm |
You make me smile Chowner:)
April 28, 2009 at 12:49 pm |
I’m glad that’s cleared up. I was wondering what exactly anything was. Now I know, thanks to you, Mr. Chowner. I can go on living my life. 🙂
April 28, 2009 at 2:54 pm |
Ha! That was hilarious…as usual. I had always secretly been wondering where Meatloaf’s boundaries were on things…I’m glad you found out!
Hey, I gave you full credit in today’s post for your outstanding imposter post. Feel free to link if you desire so you can share your masterful work! Nice job, it was fun
April 28, 2009 at 5:55 pm |
The song would have been improved tenfold had he listed these things within the verses.
April 28, 2009 at 6:36 pm |
Trysh: That may be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.
wannasmile: excellent.
Rambler: Happy to help.
VE: Now you know, he has few boundaries.
As for being a VE imposter, it was a pleasure. A lot to live up to, but a pleasure none the less.
April 28, 2009 at 9:38 pm |
Wow. So glad I read that. Crossing swords. Good one.
April 29, 2009 at 2:51 am |
Can we do “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”, next please.
April 29, 2009 at 8:19 pm |
Wow. How did you ever endure a whole conversation with Meatloaf?
LOL @ “What are you Prince?”
Good post. Stumbled.
April 30, 2009 at 12:10 am |
You had me at the title. The rest was even funnier.
April 30, 2009 at 9:10 am |
Marymoo: No man alive looks to cross swords, unless they’re porn stars. But that’s a whole other can of worms.
Ronda: I’ll talk to my people.
John: It was tough, but you have to make sacrifices for your work.
Ryan: Thank you sir.
April 30, 2009 at 12:45 pm |
Heh… Nicely done.
May 25, 2009 at 11:37 am |
And so, one one of the world’s great mysteries is solved. Cheers!