Dear person responsible for the camera adding 10 pounds,
Congratulations. The camera is arguably one of the greatest inventions of all time. One that has allowed me to capture and share images of my most cherished moments–looking 10 pounds fatter than I really am. So, to those congratulations I add: You son of a bitch.
Why? Why would you do such a thing? Why would you choose to tarnish, nay ruin, something as beautiful as the lifelong keepsake that is a photograph? Do you get off on being the S in S&M and the humiliation it inflicts on others? Is this some evil ploy to make me stop posing for pictures so that one day you can eventually erase all memory of my existence? Or, as I secretly suspect, is it something so simple, yet conniving, as the fact that, in reality, you’re nothing more than a fatty yourself? One who is trying to get even with me (and all the other good looking, properly proportioned people) because we have something you don’t: Efficient metabolism.
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